I had a car on St. John with Cruise Control. Funny, because you couldn't go over 20 MPH, so you could never Speed. And that's the most interesting thing about this movie that I could come up with. I saw the original Speed. It was pretty good until the bus-connected-to-a-bomb ran out of gas at the airport where there are ten zillion other gas powered vehicles that apparently got their fuel down the street at Cumberland Farms.

However the availability of  Official-Police-Under-Bus-Connected-To-A-Bomb-Demobilization-Carts was very good. They had at least 3 of them just sitting in a old hanger somewhere, gassed up and ready to go. Speed 2 was not nearly as coherent as the original. Blandra Bullock breaks up with her cop boyfriend in the first movie, gets involved with Alex (Jason Patric) another cop, and is shocked (?) that he has dangerous job so they go on a Caribbean cruise to relax. Enter the evil, computer geek Geiger, played by Willem Dafoe. Willem is a good actor with a stupid first name and very poor taste in film scripts, unlike Blandra who is just stupid.

Anyway, Geiger has gotten mad at his former employers, Caribbean Cruise Ship Navigation Systems Programming Inc. Why is he mad at them? Because he has become overexposed to computer components and has a fatal allergy to lap tops. He intends to get his revenge on the company by carrying around a bunch of lap tops (and some benadryl). He'll use the lap tops to mess up the cruise ship's navigation systems and run the ship into a conveniently located island. For the next two hours Blandra, Alex and Geiger find a variety of amusing ways to irritate each other. There is the little, deaf girl that Alex had to swim under vast amounts of water to save, because she can't hear the alarm that indicated the ship is sinking. She's not blind, so why she never notices all the other passengers getting into life boats is kind of mystifying. And all the sea water sloshing down the ship's interior corridors may have been another non-hearing person's cue to abandon ship. But alas, when Geiger can't make the ship hit the island (!), he aims it at a conveniently located oil tanker. But then he makes the ship hit the island anyway and there is a three minute boat-hitting-the-island scene that completely defies logic.

The best thing about Speed 2 was an interview I saw with Blandra after the movie was released. She said it was bad movie. I concur.

E.W.